Girlfriend Vs. Wife

Wife V1.0 vs. Girlfriend V1.0

(Otherwise known as the 'Sense of Humour test for the Fairer Sex")

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.

No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialisation, where it can monitor all other system activity.

He's finding that some applications such as BeerBash 2.5, PubNight 7.0, LagerThon 4.4 and LadsNightOut 6.3, are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). MajorSession 3.2 already showed problems with Girlfriend 1.0 and now cannot even be installed on the same network as Wife 1.0 without loss of privilages and/or uptime.

During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.

Planning to install Wife 1.0 also incurrs unexpected costs. Even if a simple registry installation is performed, Wife 1.0 insists on the mandatory ‘Token Ring’ and MS_Outfit pre-requisits, or installation fails prematurely with significant Bad Clusters appearing on the Hard disk...

Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0.
• A "Don't remind me again" button
• Dynamic Minimize and Re-size buttons, available as all times.
• NTFS (Nice Tight Filing System) zero-cost option to eliminate all FAT dependances
• An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
• An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode with integral anti-virus software, which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
• Compatibility with MyMates (All versions) to remove basic compatibility issues - perhaps using a 32bit (Non-FAT) implementation of Unix ‘nice’ combined with ‘SETVER_FRIENDLY’ options.
• Options for identifying GotKids 2.0, ExLovers (All versions) and WeirdMates 4.1 co-requisits and dependants before trial or purchase.

I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems:

Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You'd think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

***** BUG WARNING ********
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

***** BUG WORK-AROUNDS ********
To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0 - resulting in permanent loss of service and functionality.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.

Rev 2.0 - With thanks to Anon original version.